Many of the supposed sages of our ages, secular and Christian, drive home this message - What you think, you will become, so think positively, and you will feel positively. "You're a little God too who can speak blessings into existence," says the humanistic pastor. Unfortunately, this soul care approach neglects the acknowledgment of our Creator as the source of comfort, wisdom, and healing. It also puts undo pressure on the self as a healer, and doesn't the Word say there is wisdom in entering the house of Mourning? It can be good to acknowledge the silver linings, to move away from thoughts that may move you into blame. There is scriptural support here for renewing our minds, considering the impact of our words, and counseling ourselves

truthfully

. Why does God's Word not exclude woe, weariness, whys, worries, and even anger from its many writers? Have you stopped to examine your spiritual walk with this question, "Am I being spiritually sincere with my past?"

Spiritual sincerity does not shy away from the evil in our hearts and the wickedness pressing in on every corner of our souls. We recall the prophet Isaiah, who described Jesus as a "man of sorrows acquainted with grief" (53:3, ESV). There was no evil in Jesus' heart, but Jesus grieved at sin and its costliness. So, why is it that sincere spirituality is essential? I will focus on one reason - freedom and healing are often on the other side of honesty. The impulse of our hearts can move us to relate to our pasts in extreme ways; it is either nothing or everything. It's like pretending Portland, its context, climate, and physicality don't exist, but there you are and have been residing for years. Even if you forgot you put on that retro Oregon T-shirt, you still wear it, and people see it. Following these strong historical impulses creates blinders in our spiritual walk, making them worthy to confront with truth. Suppose you have noticed recurrent distress, physical upset, haunting images, and rigid ways of relating to self/others/God that seem very familiar and unwanted. In that case, you have likely not practiced spiritual sincerity.

When God redeemed the Israelites from the oppressive conditions of their enslavers, the Egyptians, God was establishing trust; He was revealing who He was. He was authenticating His nature as merciful, gracious, abounding in steadfast love, holy, just, etc., in His miraculous provisions - the mighty acts of judgment against their oppressors, the booty they were able to take, the Manna, the Water from the rock, unswollen feet, working sandals, God's law, etc. He was moving them forward to Canaan, away from their past, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But their mentality was to go back, romanticize the past, reject the discomforts of growing, be self-reliant rather than trusting, complain against God, and reject God's guidance through Moses. Their pain became their lens to view reality - God was not for them, people were against them, and their future was hopeless. Sound familiar? The heart of the problem for them was not disastrous circumstances; it was their rebellious hearts. They rejected who God was, is, and will always be. To move away from the past in a God-honoring way, we must be honest about our brokenness and the brokenness we have created and evaluate our responses in light of God's Word. We must cling to who God is and embrace who He actually is. We must invite God into every cavern of our hearts; seeking Him is the safest option and shows your dependence on Him. Truthfully processing your past will help you build Godly relationships, end destructive ones without bitterness, get answers that promote wise living, find comfort, experience hope, and, above all - give Christ the glory His name deserves. Remember also those crowns awarded on the other side of this worthy pursuit.

Jesus says Himself, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). Mourning refers to the dreary circumstances of the wicked oppressing the righteous. If you do not account for the past soberly, you have not meaningfully addressed how sin has impacted you, your view of self, others, God, and your future. There is chaos to your story, but God wants you to call good good and evil evil. There can be an order if you humble yourself and commit to this process, which may extend longer than you want. And in response to that groaning, you may ask yourself gently- what is promised to those who wait on the Lord? And those who trust in Him?

Consider your relationships and earliest, even recurrent pains. Did you experience Godly counsel and come into contact with biblical wisdom and compassion? What did you learn about God-given approaches to anger, pain, hurt, joy, etc? Did these experiences teach you something untruthful? When did bitter become sweet, and sweet become bitter? How did that happen? What did you learn about dating, parenting, resolving conflict, sexuality, friendships, finances, problem-solving, loss, femininity/masculinity, and handling emotions? How did you find those answers? Where there other teachers like movies/TV/artists? How did they influence you? What/who took the place of God in the home? What idols became your refuge? What were the hidden family rules? How have you continued in your parent's sin? How did God bless you despite all of it? What good was there? How do you think your parents learned what they did? What did you learn about sin and its costliness retrospectively? What anger do you hold onto? Are there ways you have categorized sin as ‘personality’?

Grief is good.

God is interested; He cares for you and what happened in your past.

God cannot be overwhelmed by your burdens, confusion, questions, and anger. Christ was successful in completing his mission on the cross, where He bore all your sins in His body. The whole bible shows us pictures and reminders of His crucifixion. He wanted to save you. Whatever you are overlooking, look at it again, but this time with God as your Gracious, Wise Father. You can ask Him. Consider your innocence and how you responded in alignment with God's Word. Consider the sinful responses to the suffering. If there was good, acknowledge it; if there was wickedness, acknowledge it. If there were unanswered questions, ask them. Where you sinned, confess them. Where there are emotions, feel them, but with Him unless…

You have forgotten that Jesus was born into persecution and abject poverty? That He was the outcast in his small town growing up? That He was not educated in any formal sense? That He was wiser than His earthly parents? That he was consistently misunderstood and even undermined by his family? That He was mobbed by murderous, crazed crowds? That he likely lost his earthly father at a young age? That His best-friends were grief, rejection, and betrayal? That He often experienced no gratitude for his endless good works? That he was nothing special to look at physically? That He was single? That the job he held proceeding ministry life was not prestigious? That He knew He would be crucified and still executed the Father’s will lovingly everyday before that hour? That he still got up early to spend time with the Father? The he had to move a lot? That he endured horrific physical trauma at no fault of his own? That he was stripped of his clothes for everyone to see mockingly?That he watched his Mother and other followers sob without running away? That His own Perfect Father turned his face away from Him in his darkest, most painful hours?

He is with you, and He was with you.

While his humanity reminds us why we can draw near, He is God through and through so do not forget that He also rose again and Has given those who believe, the Holy Spirit. He has the power and authority to extend life, to end it. So, how could this One True Living God victimize you? Why would He want you to victimize yourself? Remember His Humanity, but not at the expense of his Holy Deity as you look back. Remember sincerely, your Savior.

It may be tough to accept who God is when it comes to reliving this type of pain. Can I appeal to your mind by reminding you that God has not authored evil? Even His allowance of evil has constraints. If God removed His Spirit from the world, the world would be thrown into the seven-year tribulation. If you want to know what that would look like, Revelation will give you the most documented period of history and horror you want to unimagine. God chose to provide dignity to mankind through choice. While justice is delayed, it is determined. He will judge rightly. Remember how God disclosed Himself to Moses when he covered Him in the rock as He walked past him gloriously? He is 'slow to anger.' Another way of expressing that quality hebraically is to say He is long-nosed; in other words, it takes a long time for His nostrils to flare. Demonstrating His anger takes time because He is patient with the lost and the foolish. He has been patient with you. And His patience is not purposeless. Is waiting for repentance to give life a good pursuit? Remember how Egypt was; you may be tempted to return to Egypt rather than move towards Canaan. Focus more on what's in store for you if you continue in unreality with your past - there are still blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience. But that doesn't mean you are not a daughter of the Most High. If God said He washed you, and you are as clean as snow, He meant it. His Word never returns void. There is no need to run, hide, or stay in a place of accusation. He hates wickedness, too, and knows exactly when to administer His perfect justice. You will not help by taking on God's role or pretending as if God does not love you. He has shown you just how much He loves you through His blood. You are hidden in Jesus Christ - The Rock, our place of refuge. Seek Him out; He is your Wise Counselor.

Remember that God is not far off as you consider the range of emotions and expressions of the sin done against you and by you in the most painful areas of your past. He is everywhere, after all. His words remain faithful despite your feelings; His love is available, He is merciful, gracious, abounding in steadfast love, loyal to keep that love, and He will discipline, but this is also done out of love for His children. It is different from the discipline you may have received. Consider how your sin heightened your pain and may have been falsely attributed to others, God, or circumstances. God was not responsible for your sin and will not withhold forgiveness when you confess it. Opening those wounds in the presence of our Great Physician will allow what's infectious to leave. God wants you to embrace ways of handling your pain with Him. Consider how scripture reading, memorization, serving others, fellowship, worship, evangelism, prayer, prayer journaling, and praise can be ways to deal honestly with the sorrows Christ bore for you to come to the Father. Godly practices will facilitate the healing of your wounds. You are not a slave of your past in His eyes. You are not stronger or more loved because you have pretended the past does not exist. Even when the Lord may remind you, "My ways are not your ways, daughter," hearing that will seem less evasive as you realize why it is good you and I were not tasked with the mission Jesus completed. Consider His grace freely given as the Spirit helps ease the weight of your past and you walk as a new creation.

Ponder

Prayerfully consider how significant people in your life growing up have impacted your self-beliefs, beliefs about people, your future, and God.Prayerfully consider how you have responded to different aspects of pain/distress throughout your life, starting with your earliest memories. Evaluate those responses in light of God's Word. What patterns do you see in your attitude? Thoughts? Behaviors? Relational choices/functioning?How has God been present with his Holy Spirit in these experiences? Consider how he may have, for example, restrained evil, given you material provisions at times, encouragement through a person, etc. Ask these questions to your Heavenly Father, remembering that He made the whole universe - He is that wise. Reflecting on Christ's life, death, resurrection, and ascension, how might his story help you practice spiritual sincerity more consistently?Consider the mental, physical, and emotional barriers to practicing spiritual sincerity and counter-responses based on truth.What generational patterns of sin are you aware of in your family of origin? Deception like Abraham? Greed, idolatry of Laban? Loving the world like Lot? Spiritually unwise relationships even sinful relationships like Solomon? Rebelliousness for authorities, rules?Consider family rules that are often implicit, like "you must be lazy," "you must worship your job," "just be quiet and figure it out," and "if you're not educated enough, you don't matter as much." What rules exist in God's household? Compare/contrast.

Practice

Prayer journal the answers to the above questions and talk with a trusted believer and/or mentor about key highlights.Ask God to soften your heart around people in your past continually, and choose to pray for them consistently as a way to forgive. Have you overlooked the good in parental figures and your childhood?Practice honesty with your emotions more consistently within your church community and at home after sharing them first with God. Emotions tend to be more self-controlled after we process them with someone loving and safe—God. Consider if you are speaking to someone who is a fool, or not. Wisdom speaks and other times it does not, so be prayerful and vigilant around people who are abusive, unrepentant.Prayerfully create a timeline of all the significant events that have shaped you. Consider the emotionally charged events, those significant junctures in life, the key events that put you on a different course personally, professionally, etc. Evaluate the good, the bad, the ugly. Share what comes up with the Father. You may want to do this in stages, starting with part of your childhood since this may be very upsetting. Choose a time when you don't have something to do immediately after. Compare the negatives/positives of this timeline with God's attributes. For example, if you consistently felt alone, recall how Christ uniquely sympathized with this loneliness when he was in the garden of Gethsemane. If you had a teacher who showed you the patience lacking in your home life, you might consider how that was a good gift from God and how Christ showed patience to his disciples as they struggled to trust Him.Get your concordance out and look up the word "forgiveness." Write down what you learned about this topic and prayerfully consider who you may struggle to forgive.Create a list of personal examples/testimonies of others, biblical examples of 1-2 of God's attributes shown historically, presently (e.g., Compassion, Unconditional Love, Mercy, Grace, Forgiveness, and Holiness, to say the least). Consider this evidence when your past tries to trip you up.When Godly regrets come from your past, commit to remembering God's grace, what the cross accomplished, and how the Spirit has equipped you to respond with wisdom now.Remind yourself that the pain will become more pronounced if you listen to shame.

PrayerLoving Father, You are truthful and caring; you hate wickedness and are protective, and your love cannot be compared or measured. You have the answers we seek. You have made The way for us to talk openly with you like Moses. You know how to chastise your children with loving discipline. We can learn much about your holiness when we evaluate our upbringing and responses to sin. Teach us to walk in the way of wisdom. Help expand my view of you. We want to be honest, and we need your wisdom and guidance to do that. Please show me how my past is influencing me today. Please give me the strength to look at these things in light of your Word. Help me destroy the idols I created and grieve what I need to grieve. You are gracious even to your enemies. Help my unbelief as you heal these areas of my heart. May your will be done in my life. We eagerly await your kingdom and the day we will see you face-to-face. In Jesus' name, amen.